Recover we

I’ve done a lot of work over the last dozen years in order to decode myself. I don’t think most of us realize how much we respond and react to life from an unconscious level. To see it, to bring it to our minds, to become conscious of it, is the only way change takes place. Let’s be honest – we don’t change unless we have to.

I had to.

It is a long story how I was given the name Cinderella. I wrote about it once. If I ever find it – I’ll link it here. I often say that Christianity and Codependency are toxic twins. The crowning of Cinderella as some kind of hero has become a thorn in my side. What was her great heroic gesture? Enduring abuse while maintaining kindness. Keeping hopeful that someday she might be rescued by a prince? Gross.

This melding of faith, dysfunction and fairytales stokes the embers of “survival mode” many people with early childhood trauma live with.

We know of flight, fight and freeze as common trauma responses. This new insight that forced my lifetime of behavior under a new lens is called Fawning. It is not some docile Bambi version of freezing. For me it was much worse. I found that these unconscious behaviors had dictated virtually everything I had done my entire life.

I’m different now though. Understanding these hard to swallow ideas – changed me, my motives and the way I move about in the world. It’s a good thing. The people around me who are used to me fawning may not think it’s a good thing. But it is.

I am not going to take the time to put these in any particular order. This is all priceless wisdom if it applies to you. We can change. We must change. Every living creature is either growing in some capacity or dying. Our bodies fade – but the work to become our most mature self, is the kind of growth that makes continuing to live worthwhile.

If after reading through these you feel overwhelmed at recognizing yourself, congratulations. You may have just been given a hard pill to swallow, recognizing many of your actions were not so much based in christlike servanthood or good family values, but a trauma response that you adapted to in order to stay safe – but it is the medicine that can set you free to be your truest self.